Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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