I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
