Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
