Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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