i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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