I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
