oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
