I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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