Buhtt sex?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
