she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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