he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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