I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
