I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
