just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I would fuck him just for his dog
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
