dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
