dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
