Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
