Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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