So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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