He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you had me at cake vodka
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
