i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
