I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
