just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
