You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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