I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
