My girlfriend figured out who you are.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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