she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
