2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
