She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
