I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
