You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
tell me about the fingering
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