fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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