At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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