So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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