No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
