We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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