Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish life had little blips of pornography
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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