Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You took a bar mat shot.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
