we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
