it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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