I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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