woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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