Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
