she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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