3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
my liver is dry heaving
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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