My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
love makes seman taste better
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
