I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
