i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
