I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
