I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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